Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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