have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
