Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
