I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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