You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
