he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
