I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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