either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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