Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think a kid would responsible me up
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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