His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
