you would pick up someone in the library
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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