You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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