No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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