woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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