i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
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Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
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There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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