i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize