This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
