i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
