I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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