I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
