she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
