under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
