Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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