WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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