Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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