So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
