I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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