I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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