Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
