I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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