So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize