Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
