Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
