Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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