so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
