gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize