i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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