Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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