ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
