I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
