apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sext me about skeletons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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