If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
