Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
