Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
