Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
