It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
