how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
