he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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