"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
