Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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