Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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