I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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