I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
it's like heaven, but drunker
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Randomize
