I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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