I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
