Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
