You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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