I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
