ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
