ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You need a sexual gate keeper
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
