Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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