i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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