Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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