Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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