This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
