Only a mothe r could love this liver
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
