dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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