Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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