And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
