I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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