I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
