he thought i was a dude.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
