she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
