She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
