Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The best revenge is premature balding
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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