just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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