Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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