Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
