Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
