So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
