he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize